Dear Fear:
I’ve decided that it’s time for you and me to part
ways. You’ve been a controller in my
life for years, and frankly, I’m over it.
You never bring anything good to me.
In fact, I came up with an acronym for you, Faith Erased And
Removed. I tell people all the time “you
can’t worry and pray”, yet I do it almost every day. I’m a hypocrite, and I don’t like it.
You’ve probably noticed a change in me. I’ve been seeing Faith regularly again, and I’m
ready to cut ties with you altogether and be solely with Faith. I’ve been going with the two of you, and lots
of times, it seems you would win out over Faith. I don’t think it ever really bothered you to
share me with Faith because to you having any part of me is just like having all
of me. Faith, however, shouldn’t have to
share me with you. Faith offers me so
much more than you do and brings me a peace and joy that you never have and
never will be able to give me.
I know you’re thinking you’ve known me longer than
Faith. You’ve been with me longer than
Faith. You’re absolutely correct, Fear. You’ve been with me for as long as I can
remember. When I was a little girl you
had me scared to sleep in dark rooms or be around people or in situations that
were unfamiliar to me, no matter how safe they were. You told me monsters were out to get me even
when my parents told me there was no such thing. When I was a teenager, you made me timid and shy. I didn’t want to look different or be
different because you convinced me if I did I would be shunned and
friendless. As a young adult, you
convinced me that what my parents didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me or them. As a result, I abandoned some of the very values that I was
taught based on the anxiety of not being accepted. As an adult, you manifest yourself in my job
planting thoughts of doubt in my head.
If the wind blows too hard against the door, I’m convinced someone is
trying to come in. I’ve lived in my
house for 15 years, and I’ve never even been in my attic because of you. I’ve even fought starting this blog for over
a year thinking I’d be judged or ignored because of you. You’ve crippled me far too long, and I’m over
it.
You are the biggest inhibitor to my prayers and dreams. II Timothy 1:7 says that God has not given us
the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind. Today I’m determined to take back my
power. Today I’m determined to recapture
my sound mind. Today I’m determined to
live, laugh and love and be loved without you, Fear. I’m going to try things without being afraid
that I’ll fail. I’m going to let down my
guard and love without wondering and pondering if I’m going to get hurt. I’m going to stop hiding my mistakes and past
failures rather than sharing them and how I overcame them thinking I’ll be
judged. I’m going to stop saying yes to
things and “going with the flow” just so that I can avoid the pressures and
anxieties that come along with being misunderstood. I’m going to stop lying and keeping secrets
in an effort to avoid hurting others because the truth can always be told in
love.
I do want to thank you though, Fear. If you didn’t have me so saddled, I may not
have sought out Faith. If you didn’t
have me so bound, I may never have taken the time to really get to know
Faith. See my parents introduced me to
Faith, but a relationship with Faith is one that you have to pursue and seek
out on your own. Faith is always
standing by waiting to pick up the broken pieces that you leave, Fear. Yet, Faith never forced its way into my
life. Faith waited for me with open arms
when I was ready to leave you. Faith
doesn’t judge me or recount the elements of my past to keep me from pursuing
the things of my future like you do, Fear.
No, Faith is honest, just and fair.
Faith offers me a clean slate to start anew. So, today, I bid you farewell, Fear. I pray that you don’t take up residence in
the lives of those I love when you leave here.
For those that you’re already in a relationship with, I pray they find a
way to break up with you and start a relationship with Faith too. You’re no longer welcome here.
Goodbye,
Carmen
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