Holiday Blues

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year”…so says the famous song by Andy Williams anyway.  It’s a time for families and friends to get together.  It’s a time where diets typically fall by the wayside because you get to eat your favorite foods.  The laughter of children fills homes.  Families gather in front of the TV for parades and football and basketball games.  Family from near and far gathers together talking about days of old and making new memories.  It’s hard to believe that this isn’t a joyous time for everyone, yet for many, it isn’t.  The holidays can be tough for many people.  The death of family and friends can be overwhelming for many during this time no matter how long ago the family member or friend died.  I mean, after all, the holidays are typically spent with those you love, so if a family member or friend has died, there is a void, whether they died yesterday, last month, last year, or 20 years ago.  For those that can’t provide the needs, let alone the wants for their family, the holidays can be an overwhelming time as well.  Sometimes pride or the fear of being judged or ridiculed won’t let them accept help; so they suffer in silence.  The holidays can be a lonely time for many even when they’re surrounded by family and friends.

Let’s consider the widow or widower.  You’ve spent years and years together celebrating the holidays, and now your soulmate, your partner in life, your friend and confidante is no longer there.  He’s no longer there to carve the turkey.  He’s no longer there to put the star atop the tree.  He’s no longer there to sip eggnog with as you look at your favorite holiday movies.  The scent of holiday dinner wafting through your home is gone because she’s no longer there.  She’s not there to put out the holiday decorations that you always thought were over the top until she wasn’t there to put them out.  She’s not there to take care of shopping for the kids and wrapping the presents to go under the tree.  Maybe you didn’t even get to grow old together.  You had plans to spend your life with this person, and here you are in the prime of your life and your spouse is gone.  Sure your family and friends are there, but they aren’t there in the still of the night, when there’s nothing and no one there but you and your memories of days gone by or thoughts of dreams that weren't fulfilled.  Even in a crowded room the heart of the widow or widower can be empty and alone during the holidays.

Let’s consider the family that’s experiencing a rough time financially.  Their ends aren’t meeting at all.  They’re working hours, requesting holiday overtime, just so that they can put food on the table for their family.  While many have more food than they have space or people to eat, the family that’s experiencing a rough time has a meager meal.  It doesn’t look anything like those holiday spreads that you see in the movies or on TV; there’s not enough for seconds, let alone the leftovers that so many complain about.  While many are looking at Black Friday ads, they’re trying to figure out how they can get their children one something special so that they don’t have to wake up on Christmas morning to no gifts because society has convinced us that Christmas is all about toys and presents.  Maybe someone invites them over to their home, and they don’t bring much, if anything, because they couldn’t afford it.  People talk about them packing up to-go plates not knowing that they’re going to eat off those for the next few days.  Many are too proud or embarrassed to let you know they need help, so they isolate themselves.  Given how commercialized the holidays have become, it’s easy to see how the family that’s struggling financially can be overwhelmed during the holidays.

Let’s consider the singles that don’t want to be single.  The singles that don’t want to be single are in a different category from the widows and widowers.  See, they don’t even have memories to hold on to.  They have dreams deferred.  They have dreams of having a family to prepare dinner for.  They have dreams of having someone to decorate the tree with.  They have dreams of not arriving at family and friends’ homes alone, yet another year.  They’ve got to listen to that well-meaning family member ask when they’re going to get married or when they’re going to have children or whatever happened to so & so (the person that unbeknownst to this well-meaning family member broke their heart).  They’re praying that they don’t become that old bitter family member that nobody wants to fool with but they’re old and family so someone has to pick them up and bring them to dinner…may as well be the single person that doesn’t want to be single.  I mean, after all, what else do you have to do?  For the single person that doesn’t want to be single holidays can cause you to want to be isolated and alone because it’s just easier sometimes than having to look at couples all hugged up with their cute little kids.

So, how can you fight the holiday blues?  You must look beyond your circumstances.  When you focus on your situation, it could put you in a state of depression or loneliness.  Consider volunteering at a shelter or food bank.  As bad as you feel your situation is, someone has it much worse.  You must remain grateful even when things aren’t as you want them to be.  Your loved ones may be gone but be grateful for your memories.  Your funds may be limited, but be grateful that you have the funds that you do.  Your life may not be what you want it to be, but be grateful for the life that you have.  As crazy as it sounds, someone would gladly trade places with the life that you complain about.  Most importantly, stay prayerful.  Stay connected to the SOURCE in spite of your RESOURCES or lack thereof. 

Lord I pray for those reading this that may be experiencing holiday blues.  I bind up the spirit of loneliness, despair, unworthiness, depression, fear, doubt, or shame.  I speak life into dead situations.  I pray that while all our wants may not be met, that you meet our needs.  I pray that you’re a comforter for those needing comfort.  I pray that you’re a mender of broken hearts for those who still struggle with the death of loved ones or relationships that you didn’t ordain.  Keep us grounded in your Word.  Keep us grounded in your truth.  Give us a mind to be of service to others for in serving others we feel closer to you.  I pray that those reading this that don’t know you have a desire to know you and are surrounded by people who know you and exhibit you in words and deeds.  Amen.  

The Time Is Now

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace (Ecc 3:1-8).

A few days ago one of my classmates passed away.  He wasn't someone that I talked to all the time, but I knew him.  We took classes together.  We were in the band together.  We graduated together.  We talked on social media with each other.  So, while his transition certainly hasn't affected me the way it has those closest to him, it did indeed affect me.  See this isn't some old guy that's lived a long time. This is a guy that wasn't even 40 yet...just like me.  Preparing to join my classmates in saying farewell to a classmate isn't something I should be doing just months after our 20 year class reunion.  It doesn't seem fair; it doesn't seem right. Yet it's our current reality.  It made me cognizant of my own mortality.  It made me reflective. What time is it?

1.  It's Time to Forgive

So often we hold on to grudges and bad feelings because we feel hurt or slighted by people.  It's increasingly difficult if the person is someone that we love.  We waste precious time avoiding these people and harboring bad thoughts.  We live in a position of angst where they're concerned.  Sometimes these people don't even really realize that we have a problem with them.  Unfortunately, this only makes us angrier because how could they not know that they've hurt me?!  Forgiveness isn't for the other person.  Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is for your peace.  Forgiveness is for your joy.  The inability to forgive others weighs you down. The inability to forgive others steals your peace.  The inability to forgive others poisons you.  So, today choose to be well.  Choose to live in peace.  Choose to live in joy.  Choose to forgive those who have wronged you.  Forgive them for what they did or didn't do.  Forgive them for what they said or didn't say...to you or about you. Forgive, not for their benefit, but for yours.  

2.  It's Time to Keep in Touch

Unfortunately, technology and social media have ruined so many of us, including me.  We feel as if we're keeping in touch because we like each other's pictures and posts on Instagram and Facebook.  We feel connected because we follow your moves on Twitter.  We trade in phone conversations and face to face interaction for emails and texts and FaceTime. We sit at dinner tables with each other with our electronic devices in our hands responding to likes and comments rather than interacting with each other.  We decide we're going to go to the next family or class reunion.  We'll make that call, tomorrow. We'll catch the next Girls Night Out. We'll be there the next time the fellas get together to watch the game.  We'll go to Homecoming next year.  We'll go to church next week. Commit to keeping in contact with those you love.  Commit to enjoying your day to day interaction with those you love.  Commit to making time to make time for those you love.  Add them to your agenda today.  Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.  In the words of The Winans, "your tomorrow could very well be here today."  Whether we choose to accept it or not, life is filled with swift transition; don't miss the opportunity to keep in contact with those you care about.

3.  It's Time to Do What You've Been Putting Off

Many times we go through life putting things on the back burner.  We treat life and time as if it's infinite.  It's time to start doing what you can, while you can.  If I had more time, I'd do this. If I had more money, I'd do that. Life is meant to be lived.  Life is meant to be enjoyed.  Stop living with the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" attitude. "I wish I had..." isn't the life you want to lead. Sometimes you don't have the means to do the things that you want to do.  Adjust your plans. Stop not doing things because of what people will say.  Stop not doing things because of fear. You don't want to have regrets about anything at any time.  Be you.  Do you.  Live your life to the fullest.  Enjoy each and every moment.  Your last time may be your last time.  So live....today, tomorrow and always.

4.  It's Time to Be Concerned About Your Health

Part of living the best life you can is living the healthiest life that you can.  Now certainly your health can't protect you from everything, but it can fend off a lot of things.  The old "I've gotta die of something, so I may as well die happy" is hogwash.  Incorporate exercise in your life.  Go to a doctor other than when you're sick.  Get your screenings done.  Live a life of prevention rather than reaction.  If you can't be concerned about your health for yourself, be concerned about your health for others.  Don't leave your husband or wife to live out life without you. Don't leave your children to grow up without you.  Don't leave your parents to bury their child. Take the time to take care of your health, physically and mentally.

5.  It's Time to Love

Loving and living complement each other like peanut butter and jelly.  Be THAT person.  Be the person that everyone wonders why you're always smiling.  Be the person that everyone wonders what you have to be so happy about.  Be the person that brightens up a room with your presence alone.  Say you love with your words. Show you love with your actions.  Make that "just checking on you" call to family and friends.  Send that "thinking about you" text.  Drop a card in the mail to your older relatives who don't have social media, email or know how to text. Give that hug to the visitor sitting in front of you at church.  Pay for the car behind you in the drive-thru.  Assist that elderly couple trying to put their groceries in the car.  Love those who love you.  Love those who hate you.  Love those who don't know you.  Spread love to everyone, everywhere you go.  

Mending the Broken Pieces, Part III: Shedding Your Masks

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30, MSG)

I had no intentions of doing this.  I'm once again just being obedient.  Yesterday was October 31.  It's a day set aside once a year to dress up and pretend to be someone or something that you're not.  So many of us are doing this every day though.  We're wearing masks every day with everyone.  We're using them to hide who we are, what we feel, what we're about.  We do it so that we can impress other people.  We do it so we can seem like we're put together even when our world is crumbling around us. We do it so we can cope.  Sometimes the mask is the only thing that gets us through the day.  How many times have you walked past someone in passing and said, "hey, how you doing" while never breaking stride?  We often ask people how they're doing without waiting for a response.  It's polite to ask, but do we really want to know?  Do we really want to know people's truth?  We may say we do. We may actually think we do.  However, in reality, hearing your truth could actually make me have to deal with mine.  Hearing your truth may create a burden for me that's too heavy to bear.  I don't really want to hear your truth because I've gone through so much trouble to hide my own. You've probably noticed that I'm not saying "people."  I'm saying "we" and "us".  I'm included; I wear masks.  If you're honest, you probably have as well at some point.  We wear masks to hide our truth.

The mask protects.  The mask hides.  The mask shields.  The nature of people makes you hide your truth.  People hold your truth against you.  People take advantage of you because of your truth. People ridicule you because of your truth.  People judge you because of your truth.  People shun you because of your truth.  People abandon you because of your truth.  People reject you because of your truth.  So it becomes like second nature to hide your truth.  People hide their truth out of fear.  People hide their truth out of embarrassment.  People hide their truth out of pride.  People hide their truth for protection. People hide their truth for inclusion.  People hide their truth for acceptance.   

We hide our truth from our family.  We hide our truth from our friends.  We hide our truth from our church members.  We hide our truth from our co-workers.  Sometimes we're silly enough to believe that we can hide our truth from God.  Hiding your truth seems so much easier than letting people know about your truth.  We convince ourselves it's just easier to mask our pain rather than deal with the consequences of sharing it.  If you tell them you were molested as child, they'll wonder why you're still allowing that to control you as an adult.  If you tell them you struggle with relationships because you grew up in a dysfunctional household, they tell you to get over it because you're an adult now.  If you tell them you were raped by some you know, they may wonder what you did to entice him.  If you tell them you were abused, they'll wonder why you were stupid to stay in the relationship in the first place. If you're still shaken by the death of a loved one, they'll wonder why you're grieving so long.  If you're leery of relationships after a divorce, they'll tell you to stop living in the past.  If you're holding on to rejection, they'll insist you stop worrying about someone who isn't worried about you.  If you're homosexual, they'll judge you for living out of the will of God.  If you had a relationship with someone who's married, they'll consider you as the homewrecker.  If you admit you have or had a STD, they'll assume you're reckless and nasty or promiscuous.  If you have or had an abortion, they'll judge you for not using birth control.  If you give your baby up for adoption, they'll say you shirked your responsibilities.  If you don't go to church, they'll make you a hell bound heathen.  If you're taking anti-anxiety meds or seeing a therapist, they'll call you crazy.  If you try to commit suicide, they'll call you weak-minded.  You may be wearing one or more of these masks.  I'm wearing one or more of these masks.  We've got to learn to let our masks go though.

Sometimes our truth is ugly.  Sometimes our truth is dirty.  There's no joy in hiding our truth.  There's no peace in hiding our truth.  There's no healing in hiding our truth.  There's no deliverance in hiding our truth.  There's no testimony in hiding our truth.  That which is hidden cannot be helped.  That which is hidden cannot be healed. That which is hidden cannot be set free.  That which is hidden cannot help others.  As difficult as it is, we must learn to shed our masks.  Tell God about your hurts, your pains, your shame.  Seek professional help.  It is okay to shed your masks.  It is okay to not be okay.

Lord I pray for those reading this that are masking some sort of truth.  I pray that they know that you desire to heal all of their broken places.  Our masks not only shield us from pain and scrutiny they also shield us from you.  You cannot help what we hide.  You cannot heal what we conceal.  Release in us the strength to stop allowing our shame and fear control us.  Reveal to us that which is blocking our connection to you.  Mend our broken places.  Remove doubt, shame and fear from us.  Deliver us from the oppression our masks have brought us.  In Jesus' name, amen.