When You Love God, But Not Church

The one place that every person, especially every Christian, should be made to feel comfortable is church.  So, why is it the one place so many people try to avoid?  I'm not talking about non-believers.   I'm not talking about "heathens".  Why is it that believers of the Word, followers of Christ, Christians don't want to go to church?  As someone who believes strongly in regular and consistent fellowship with believers, I've given it great thought.  Sadly, I've come to realize that people in the church and the ways in which churches operate have made it difficult for people to feel comfortable in church.

"I don't have to go to church to have a relationship with God."

How often have you heard that statement?  Sometimes I've been known to actually get caught up in that one because in a sense it is true.  However, it's also just an excuse that we offer to not go to church.  Relationship with God is of the utmost importance; that is true.  Yet, God also wants us to associate with His people.  1 Corinthians 12:12 says "For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ."  Simply put, just as each part of our body has a different function, each of us brings something different to our church. Each of us has a ministry within us.  All of us aren't meant to be ministers.  All of us aren't meant to sing in the choir.  All of us aren't meant to be ushers.  All of us aren't meant to teach Sunday School.  Let us be clear though...all of us are meant to bring something to our church.  We, as believers, don't choose churches.  You are led to a church.  You are planted in a church by God.  God chooses the church you should serve in.  God chooses the Pastor who should lead your church, and in doing so, chooses the shepherd that should lead you.  When you decide to uproot yourself from where you've been planted or deny God's planting, you are leaving a void in the church where you're meant to be planted.  You are leaving a void in the church where you're meant to serve.

"I don't want to be judged; I want to be accepted."

Church is the last place people should be made to feel less than.  According to Genesis 2:7, God formed each of us from dust.  My dust formation is no better than your dust formation.  All of us have sinned.  None of us is without sin.  The person sitting on either side of you is a sinner.  The person teaching your Sunday School class is a sinner.  The person that's directing the choir is a sinner.  The person that's leading the ushers is a sinner.  The pastor, yes, yours and mine, is a sinner.  So, no, you're not different.  Our sins may be different.  However, our existence as sinners is not.  You may have sinned last night, and someone else may not have sinned in 6 months.  We are all sinners, nonetheless.  We're all working day by day, minute by minute, second by second to sin less.  Let's be clear, though, none of us, is sinless.  The church is full of "used to be" people, and God could be placing you in this church so that one of the "used to be" people can help you become a "used to be" person.  He'll then use you to help another sinner become a "use to be" person.  Never let being different or the fear of judgment or the desire for acceptance keep you from fellowship.  God accepts you as you are where you are.  God is the head of the church.  God made us all.  Nothing you've done is too big, too dirty or too shameful for you to ask God for forgiveness.  We're all dust.  We've all sinned.  We're all one temptation away from sinning again.  We may sin differently, but sin is sin.  

"Someone in the church hurt me."

Here's a tough one.  Many of us disassociate with church because someone in the church hurt us. Sometimes they say something to hurt you.  Sometimes it's said to you directly; other times it's said to someone else and it gets back to you.  Sometimes they just whisper or stare.  Sometimes they do things to hurt you, and it's just difficult to come back to the place where you met this person that hurt you.  Unfortunately, it's not always just members in the church who hurt us.  Sometimes leaders in the church hurt us.  That's the toughest hurt to get over.  You don't mind the members hurting you, but when God's chosen hurts you, that shakes your core.  Church is about fellowship.  How can I fellowship with people who have hurt me?  How can I fellowship with people who have lied to me or on me?  How can I fellowship with people who have judged me or rejected me?  The answer to all of those questions is with God's help.  God may move you.  However, God may want you to stay.  Yes, God may want you to stay in the place where you've been wronged.  God may be using you to make this church better. God may be using you to get glory in this church.    God won't tell you to stay home though.  God doesn't want you to sit on your gift.  Whatever you are meant to bring to the body of Christ, you are meant to bring to the body of Christ, but He doesn't intend for you to do it at home watching church on YouTube or TBN or via live stream on Periscope.  Being on the church's roster does not make you a member of a church.  I'm not saying "get over it", but I am saying give it to God.  Pray that He will heal your heart.  Pray that if He intends for you to serve in the church where you've been hurt that He will give you the strength to do that regardless of who hurt you.  Never let someone, anyone, in the church hurting you keep you from working on building the Kingdom.

"What are they doing with the money?"

This question is older than time I'm sure.  People are often skeptical of what's being done with the church's tithes and offerings.  I get it.  You sit in church and see the majority of people in the church march around with an envelope and put money in the collection plate.  So, surely the church has plenty of money.  Let's be real about this money.  Many times people walk around with an empty envelope because they're ashamed to sit there and be seen not putting anything in the church.  Others are writing bad checks to the church for this very same reason.  Some of the envelopes have $200 in them, and then some of them have $2 in them.  We shouldn't be misled by seeing a lot of people putting envelopes in the collection plate.  

Church is a business.  Just like your home has expenses, so does your church.  There is likely a mortgage on your church.  If there isn't, praise God.  There are utility bills for your church.  There is likely a staff at your church.  Just like any other business, the church has a profit and loss statement showing its revenues (money coming in) and expenses (money going out).  Most churches make this information accessible to their members now.  Inquire about it if you're curious.  Just make sure that you're a contributing member when you do.  Asking what the church is doing with the money when you're not putting any money in the church is akin to someone asking you what you're doing with your money when they're not contributing to your household.  

"I'm angry with God."

Now, here's a real tough one.  Someone just gasped in horror.  Angry with God?!  Where they do that at?!  If we're honest, we've all probably experienced this a time or two.  If not, keep living; the right life changing event hasn't happened to you yet.  I've been here.  I've loved God and been angry with Him at the same time, more than once, more than twice, more than thrice.  Sometimes God calls for someone that's near and dear to us.  Sometimes He ends a relationship or never allows it to develop.  Sometimes He causes us to be rejected in some way.  Sometimes He allows something bad to happen to us.  As hurtful as whatever your IT is, you have to deal with it with God.  In times like those, you need fellowship more than ever.  When you feel forsaken by God, you're at your most vulnerable state.  The devil is able to quickly devour you at that point because you're at you're weakest and lowest point with God.  You need fellowship to buffer out the noise that the devil is going to fill your ears with.  You need fellowship to have someone standing in the gap for you.  Fellowship allows God to get to you even when you're shutting Him out.

A Charge to the "Amen Corner"

There are many reading this saying, "amen", "that's right", "you better tell 'em".  You're likely someone who regularly participates in fellowship.  This next part is for you.  This next part is where I help US out and set US straight.  WE are a part of the reason that believers and non-believers don't feel comfortable coming to church.  WE are a part of the reason that people believe that churches aren't worth attending.  What do WE need to do to get people to believe in God and believe in fellowship?

1.  Stop acting like you're above sin.

My Mama reminded me the other day of something Oscar Wilde said, "every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future."  As a Christian, you should desire to sin less, but keep in mind, you're not sinless.  Maybe you're not homosexual or you haven't committed adultery, but if you sleep with (or have slept with) someone who you're not married to, you sin (or have sinned).  Maybe you don't drink or do drugs, perhaps your vice is food or you stay on the paper chase.  Gluttony is a sin.  Understand that everyone isn't in the same place as you on your journey with Jesus.  You haven't always been saved, and even if you're living the best life you can, you're still just one temptation away from sinning. Just because you're in church every Sunday, Bible Study every week, sing in the choir, teach Sunday School, serve as a doorkeeper, or even preach the gospel, you're no better than anyone else.  Grace and mercy keep you in check.  That's all. 

2.  Understand the difference between contemporary and worldly.

There's a fine line here.  The world is evolving, which means the church has to evolve as well.  The church shouldn't conform to the world though.  Dr. Watts hymns may no longer be the way to keep people engaged at church.  However, you don't necessarily have to Hit the Quan or Whip and NayNay either.  Church shouldn't be stuffy and uptight, but it shouldn't look like a scene out of a music video either.  Always remember to be decent and in order.

3.  Stop talking about your pastor and other people in your church.

This one chaps my hide for sure.  People gossip about churches and pastors because members in the church gossiped about the church and the pastor first.  I'd venture to say that most people wouldn't eat in a restaurant that got bad reviews.  So, stop perpetuating gossip about your pastor, your church members and your church.  Spend the time that you would give gossiping about your pastor, your church and its members in prayer with God.  Prayer changes situations; gossip creates situations.

4.  Stop talking about other folks' pastor and church.

Just like you shouldn't talk about your pastor or your church, stop talking about other pastors and other churches.  You're ready to fight someone when you hear your pastor's name or your church's name in some mess, but you'll talk trash about someone else's pastor and church.  When people see saved folks talking about other saved folks, it belittles Christianity because you're no different from worldly people at that point.  Again, when the urge strikes you to gossip, pray instead.

5.  Act like you represent Christ.  

Christ accepted people...ALL people.  Christ loved people...ALL people.  Christ served people...ALL people.  So, if you're a CHRISTian, why don't you?  Church should be inclusive, not exclusive.  Speak to people when you pass them in church.  If you see someone that isn't involved, invite them to be a part of something that you're involved in at the church.  Stop looking at people strange because they don't dress like you or look like you.  Yes, her skirt is short and tight.  Yes, his pants are sagging off his behind.  Yes, he cheated on his wife.  Yes, she sleeps around.  Yes, their children are unruly. Remember how you looked before you were saved.  Remember how you acted before you were saved.  Be grateful that they're in church.  Church is the best place to get right.  Isn't that why you keep going?

We're all at different points in this journey called life.  God is willing to meet each of us where we are though.  If you've uprooted yourself from your church or you're a believer that isn't affiliated with a church, search your heart and talk to God and make peace with what's keeping you from being in fellowship with other believers.  If you're participating in fellowship on a regular basis, ask yourself what you can be doing to help other believers and non-believers believe in fellowship.  If you're not yet connected with God, consider what it is that makes you unwilling to pursue that relationship with Him. I'm not the best saint I can be, but I'd love for you to join me in getting better with Christ.

A Letter to my Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

I’m not sure why I’m writing you today, but I just felt I needed to say these things to you.  I pray that this letter finds you well.  Hopefully, you’re going about life working as unto Christ making ready to present yourself to me.  God hasn’t given our unity the thumbs up yet because you and your purpose are so special to Him that He doesn’t want me to be ill-prepared in helping you to fulfill it.  I pray that you don’t find yourself in a position of loneliness as God prepares me to be your helpmate.  Loneliness may make you choose someone other than me if only for temporary pleasure or fulfillment.  I know because I’ve done it while I’ve been waiting on you.  You see, my love, I haven’t always been in tune to God’s plan for us.  I’ve entertained relationships and “situationships” that were not God ordained in an effort to find temporary happiness.  Loneliness made me believe that passing the time with others would at least keep me happy until you came along.  However, it didn’t.  It only left me wishing you would come for me sooner.

Here’s the thing though my beloved…if you had come for me sooner, our marriage wouldn’t have worked.  As ready as I thought I was to be a wife, I wasn’t.  In some ways, I’m still not.  I’ve grown tremendously, but I’ve got a little more growing to do.  See, now I know what I’m meant to be for you and what you’re meant to be for me.  Together we’re meant to help each other fulfill the purposes and callings that God has on our lives.  God wants us to be good alone and be a mighty force together with Him. 

Sweetheart, I am broken.  What I currently allow people to see and who I actually am are two different people.  Right now, I’m like a woman with beautifully coifed hair, in a designer suit, with Christian Louboutins on my feet, but a bra being held together by a safety pin and unmatched panties with no elastic.  On the outside, I’m fine.  On the inside though, I’m raggedy.  I don’t want you to find me as your good thing this way.  I don’t want to be united as one with you this way.  I want to bring you favor from God.  I want to be whole, and I want you to know that every night I pray that God is making you whole too.  I’m praying that the things that have your heart and mind bound are released.  I’m praying that you, like me, are learning to release the mistakes of your past.  Our mistakes were meant to shape our ministries.  I realize that we’ve both experienced things in our past that have shaped and molded us specifically for each other.  Every mistake, every disappointment, every rejection, every heartbreak that we’ve experienced is going to be key in helping our love to thrive.  Neither of us is perfect, but in our imperfection, we will be able to love each other perfectly. 

If I'm completely honest, in a lot of ways my independence has crippled me to love.  God is working on me and in me to make me humble.  So, please be patient.  I’m used to being in control; I’m used to running things.  As God humbles me, I will be more willing to be submissive to you.  I’ve always thought that submission would require me to give up who I am.  Until recently, I’ve never fully embraced the fact that the person I am is meant to be a very vital part of who you are to become because woman was formed from man.  God is teaching me to be patient, and at the very same time, He’s working on taming my wrath.  Trust me when I say that you’ll thank Him for that later.  You may find it hard to believe, but I’m kind of selfish too.  Who am I kidding?  I’m a lot selfish.  The plan that God has for you will require me to share you with others though.  So, He’s working on me so that not only will I understand having to share you, but I will support you and encourage you in all you do.  I’ve accumulated things and possessions that I will likely have to share with you or leave behind once we become one.  I understand now that uniting with you will likely put me in a position to have to leave behind what is comfortable to me.  I’ve always resisted stepping out of my comfort zone.  I’m afraid of the unfamiliar; I can’t control the unfamiliar.  So, I avoid the unfamiliar because it makes me uncomfortable to not be in control.  My resistance isn't a refusal or rejection of you; it's a battle within myself with fear.  When you feel me resisting, make me feel secure.  Let me know that I can trust you.  Show me stability and safety.  Eliminate my insecurities.  Be my covering.  I’m sharing all this so you will understand me, my weaknesses, my flaws and my imperfections.

I desire to be vulnerable to you.  Love requires vulnerability.  Love requires risks.  Love requires leaving yourself open to be hurt, but trusting that the one who God has chosen for you will do everything in their power not to.  I realize that there will be times that you will hurt me, and despite my best efforts I will hurt you.  I pray that we will know how to overcome the hurt.  I pray that we will know how to go to God in prayer together, day and night.  There was a time that I prayed just for you:  God show me my husband; God make my husband honest and faithful; God let my husband seek after you.  I now see that I need to go to God just as much (if not more) about me as I do about you.  I have faith that God is going to give our unity the thumbs up soon.  I have faith that our season of waiting for each other will be over soon.  I have faith that our latter will be greater than our past.  Faith without works is dead though Beloved.  So, I'm working.  I'm growing.  I'm becoming obedient to God, His Word, and His purpose for me.  I'm studying.  I'm praying.  And I'm waiting...on you.

Love today, forever, and always,

Your Future Wife

A Farewell Letter to Fear

Dear Fear:

I’ve decided that it’s time for you and me to part ways.  You’ve been a controller in my life for years, and frankly, I’m over it.  You never bring anything good to me.  In fact, I came up with an acronym for you, Faith Erased And Removed.  I tell people all the time “you can’t worry and pray”, yet I do it almost every day.  I’m a hypocrite, and I don’t like it. 

You’ve probably noticed a change in me.  I’ve been seeing Faith regularly again, and I’m ready to cut ties with you altogether and be solely with Faith.  I’ve been going with the two of you, and lots of times, it seems you would win out over Faith.  I don’t think it ever really bothered you to share me with Faith because to you having any part of me is just like having all of me.  Faith, however, shouldn’t have to share me with you.  Faith offers me so much more than you do and brings me a peace and joy that you never have and never will be able to give me.

I know you’re thinking you’ve known me longer than Faith.  You’ve been with me longer than Faith.  You’re absolutely correct, Fear.  You’ve been with me for as long as I can remember.  When I was a little girl you had me scared to sleep in dark rooms or be around people or in situations that were unfamiliar to me, no matter how safe they were.  You told me monsters were out to get me even when my parents told me there was no such thing.  When I was a teenager, you made me timid and shy.  I didn’t want to look different or be different because you convinced me if I did I would be shunned and friendless.  As a young adult, you convinced me that what my parents didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me or them.  As a result,  I abandoned some of the very values that I was taught based on the anxiety of not being accepted.  As an adult, you manifest yourself in my job planting thoughts of doubt in my head.  If the wind blows too hard against the door, I’m convinced someone is trying to come in.  I’ve lived in my house for 15 years, and I’ve never even been in my attic because of you.  I’ve even fought starting this blog for over a year thinking I’d be judged or ignored because of you.  You’ve crippled me far too long, and I’m over it.

You are the biggest inhibitor to my prayers and dreams.  II Timothy 1:7 says that God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.  Today I’m determined to take back my power.  Today I’m determined to recapture my sound mind.  Today I’m determined to live, laugh and love and be loved without you, Fear.  I’m going to try things without being afraid that I’ll fail.  I’m going to let down my guard and love without wondering and pondering if I’m going to get hurt.  I’m going to stop hiding my mistakes and past failures rather than sharing them and how I overcame them thinking I’ll be judged.  I’m going to stop saying yes to things and “going with the flow” just so that I can avoid the pressures and anxieties that come along with being misunderstood.  I’m going to stop lying and keeping secrets in an effort to avoid hurting others because the truth can always be told in love.

I do want to thank you though, Fear.  If you didn’t have me so saddled, I may not have sought out Faith.  If you didn’t have me so bound, I may never have taken the time to really get to know Faith.  See my parents introduced me to Faith, but a relationship with Faith is one that you have to pursue and seek out on your own.  Faith is always standing by waiting to pick up the broken pieces that you leave, Fear.  Yet, Faith never forced its way into my life.  Faith waited for me with open arms when I was ready to leave you.  Faith doesn’t judge me or recount the elements of my past to keep me from pursuing the things of my future like you do, Fear.  No, Faith is honest, just and fair.  Faith offers me a clean slate to start anew.  So, today, I bid you farewell, Fear.  I pray that you don’t take up residence in the lives of those I love when you leave here.  For those that you’re already in a relationship with, I pray they find a way to break up with you and start a relationship with Faith too.  You’re no longer welcome here. 

Goodbye,

Carmen